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Introduction:
As we journey through life, most of us encounter situations where we experience shyness. In fact, it is quite common to experience transient and context specific bouts of shyness (Chan, S. M., & Wong, A. K. Y., 2013). Those who work in education must be aware of those whom they come across who struggle with issues of shyness which go far beyond what most of the population wrestles with. These individuals not only face the known challenges of shyness, they also are at risk at several levels that may not be as well identified. As such educators must mindfully attend and engage with these individuals to serve their needs.
It is important to note though that shyness should not be confused with low sociability. There are those individuals who as a part of their unique make up do not require levels of social interaction which are commonly associated with the human experience. For these individuals, there are no struggles or desires to engage which are frustrated with the myriad of associated impacts. Rather, through choice they limit social contact, comfortable in their chosen level of isolation (Eggum et.al, 2012; Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013; Wadman, R., Durkin, K., & Conti-Ramsden, G., 2008).
There are a variety of potential reasons at the root of pervasive shyness. Research suggests that one potential area of genesis might relate to parenting styles which may cultivate shyness in children. Parents who are themselves prone to shyness, anxiety, or neuroticism can pass similar behaviors to their children. These children learn under life models which speak to introversion, lacking in the self-confidence to engage their environment (Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013). In addition, overbearing parenting styles which see children micro managed and controlled can cause children to turn inward because of the pressures under which they live (Zarra-Nezhad, M. et al, 2014). These children are often very dependent upon parental guidance, or fail to develop the confidence which is fostered through positive, nurturing parent styles (Zarra-Nezhad, M. et al, 2014). Finally, children that struggle with language or other challenges which potentially set them apart from their peers in some way, may also withdraw under social pressures or overwhelming self-awareness (Wadman, R., Durkin, K.,& Conti-Ramsden, G., 2008).
Whatever the foundational reasons for pervasive shyness, the impacts associated with the condition potentially deeply impact individuals at a wide variety of points. In addition, without support it is very likely that the impacts will persist and in fact intensify over a lifetime. Educators must therefore work towards engagement and scaffolded supports for their student who are pervasively shy.
Why it’s a problem:
The problems associated with pervasive shyness are debilitating when extreme and impact afflicted individuals in a variety of ways, and at a variety of points. Loneliness, depression, victimization by those within their peer groups are common (Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013; Zarra-Nezhad, M. et al, 2014). Shyness often opens these individuals up to self-doubt, self-pitying, self-blaming, over analyzation, emotionality, self-defeating behavior and choices which only serve to drive the individual deeper into their isolation thus creating self-fulfilling prophecy in their lives (Eggum et.al, 2012; Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013; Zarra-Nezhad, M. et al, 2014). Unless they can escape this cycle of struggles they spiral ever deeper into their often-self-made abyss, sentencing themselves to lifelong struggles which hold little, if any prospect of abatement without outside support (Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013).
What it looks like:
When seeking to identify the pervasively shy several points to look for exist. First, is an internalization of problems by the individual, refusing to open themselves up, or seek help. Next, ongoing peer relations which sees them continually bullied and ostracized. Also, excessive wariness as they encounter new life experiences, or social evaluation. Also, extremes in negative world views, which drives personal perceptions of themselves and the world in which they live in. Finally, low self-esteem and/or self-contempt (Eggum et.al, 2012; Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013; (Wadman, R., Durkin, K., & Conti-Ramsden, G., 2008).
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The vicious cycle which spins out of control, not only negatively impacts peer social relationships, it often deeply impacts academic endeavors. In the same way that students internalize their personal struggles, they also struggle with reaching out for academic assistance and support. As such their academic struggles are only serve to further support their negative world and personal views, and as such diversify the impact of their shyness (Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013).
What to do:
To lend support to those who struggle with these debilitating levels of shyness professionals are often well served to provide problem-solving opportunities which might help to alleviate feelings of anxiety and being out of control in their shy students. Often shy individuals, do not feel that they have the social skills in place that their peers exhibit. As such they become frustrated when they attempt to engage and interact only to fail. By coming alongside to mentor strategies and provide other emotional coping tools can the cycle of fear and failure be broken (Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L., 2013). As with any number of other areas of academic and social emotional struggles, teachers are well served to draw upon the expertise of the wider education and counseling community. The depth and breadth are often speaking to a variety areas of life outside the walls of the classroom/school, and are beyond the scope, expertise, and abilities of any single individual to address.
For further information on the topic of shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder one possible sources is The Mayo Clinic: Social Anxiety Disorder website.
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Conclusion:
In many cases shyness often relates to manageable, temporary, contextual situations which over time either disappear or moderate in impact upon the individual. But shyness, in its most pervasive form speaks to a far greater set of issues which can impact a lifetime. Teachers who stand aside rather than step in to intervene in support of these students can expect to watch as these young people face social and academic impacts which will only grow and deepen over a lifetime. Shyness in its most destructive forms often speaks to deeper social/emotional issues which can only be ignored when those who might help shirk their professional and moral responsibility to do so.
References
Chan, S. M., & Wong, A. K. Y. (2013). Shyness in late childhood: Relations with attributional styles and self-esteem. Child: Care, Health & Development, 39(2), 213-219. doi:10.1111/j.1365-2214.2011.01351.x
Eggum, N. D., Eisenberg, N., Reiser, M., Spinrad, T. L., Valiente, C., Sallquist, J., . . . Liew, J. (2012). Relations over time among children's shyness, emotionality, and internalizing problems. Social Development, 21(1), 109-129. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9507.2011.00618.x
Kingsbury, M., Coplan, R. J., & Rose-Krasnor, L. (2013). Shy but getting by? an examination of the complex links among shyness, coping, and socioemotional functioning in childhood. Social Development, 22(1), 126-145. doi:10.1111/sode.12003
Wadman, R., Durkin, K., & Conti-Ramsden, G. (2008). Self-esteem, shyness, and sociability in adolescents with specific language impairment (SLI). Journal of Speech, Language & Hearing Research, 51(4), 938-952.
Zarra-Nezhad, M., Kiuru, N., Aunola, K., Zarra-Nezhad, M., Ahonen, T., Poikkeus, A….Nurmi, J. (2014). Social withdrawal in children moderates the association between parenting styles and the children's own socioemotional development.
Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry, 55(11), 1260-1269
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